Every nerd’s dream is to win the epic battle using his brains and maybe some secret ninja skills, thereby winning the admiration of Pamela Anderson.

Unfortunately, most muscleheads would crush the typical nerd in any battle, particularly an epic one, because of one factor: muscle. The nerd’s problem is he’s dreaming of victory without putting the daily sweat into his game plan. He’s trying to short circuit the system. No sweat, no victory.

We see this attitude with black hat SEO. While slugging through competitor sites for a client, Susan the Meticulous discovered a site that put a pile of hidden text on the home page, and then duplicated it throughout the site. They even included links to a completely unrelated website, most likely another SEO client of theirs.

Ethical search engine optimization means that you have to do the work. You cannot short circuit the system. This is one of my biggest soapbox issues. Technology only creates obstacles. It does not provide solutions for SEO.

Black hatters think they can avoid hard work by creating hidden text. It’s hidden because it’s stuffed with keywords and is bad for marketing. Technology is only giving that site an invitation to the blacklist.

If the nerd sweated it out at the gym 2 or 3 times a week, he would have the strength and agility to defeat the musclehead. Similarly, if you add good content to your site 2 or 3 times a week, you will be in a much stronger position as time progresses.

The irony of this is that Sara Rasco, our Blog Overlord, has been cracking the whip because I have been lax in my blog postings. My job is not about writing blog posts, and I’m guessing that yours isn’t either. This is why it’s so tempting to look for the easy way out. The site with the hidden text should have spent the time to write great marketing copy.

Note: if you’re a nerd and a woman, please substitute the words “his brains” with “her brains” and “Pamela Anderson” with “David Hasselhoff”.

A media consultant friend used to have this sign taped to his office wall: “Never Do This.”

Below it were newspaper clippings of unfortunate things public people had said. An oil company PR person saying: “Only four hundred thousand gallons of oil was spilled and it wasn’t all ours.” An elected official defending allegations of violating a particular law, saying: “Uh, that’s not a LAW. It’s just a STATUTE.” At our SEO agency, we call it “Worst Practices.”

Last week, doing some competitive snooping for a client, I was at cache:www.competitorwebsite.com for the search engine view. It was the same as the competitor’s homepage – as it should be – with the Google cache box across the top. I scrolled all the way to the bottom, in my meticulous way, no surprises.

Then I clicked for the text-only version. Just what you’d expect – no images, same words. I scrolled to the bottom – oh my.

There, below the footer text, were several hundred words of hidden copy. About eight more seconds of detective work revealed the copy’s formatting code, the css class “se,� designated the right size, color, and presentation to be invisible to a human yet still be indexed by the search engines.

This is bad. If this were ok, web searching would be like ordering the fish at a restaurant that says you can order anything, but really everyone in the kitchen is having a fist fight to see who gets to come out to your table to take your order. The strongest and possibly meanest – or most desperate or corrupt – wins the fight and comes to your table. You’d say: “Could I have the daily fish special?” And she’d say sure, which one do you want: we have fish Brittany Spears, fish steroids, fish nudity, and low cost prescription medications with fish.

If you were patient, or terribly hungry, rather than running out the front door you might say “I asked for the fish special: I’ll have the salmon.” And she’d nod, and say sure, which one do you want: we have salmon low interest credit cards, salmon diet cure, salmon vitamins, salmon product coupons, and online matchmaking with salmon.

Vitriol aside, I was having a great time doing the email equivalent of popping in to everyone’s office and saying “Look at me at this, isn’t it amazing?” Our CEO then asks if that hidden text is on any of the other pages. I rush to view: source. Yes, it is. There is duplicate hidden duplicate copy on multiple pages.

Some of you already are sharing the satisfied elegance of justice, and for those not there yet, the punch line is: search engines despise duplicate text. When it’s found – and it’s easy for an automated process to find – your website gets penalized – those pages aren’t shown. SEO cheaters can be removed from the ranking results, aka de-listed.

So this website, while decently sized and showing signs of some ethical optimization, is nearly invisible to people searching. Whether a Google or Yahoo human picked up on the hidden text, or the automated process detected the collateral damage of the duplicate text, this site is suffering the consequences of its unethical SEO. We regrettably, and with a grimace of disgust, award this site top tier recognition in our gallery of Worst Practices.